As you are on this new journey of creating your daily routine, tracking habits, and focusing on you for once. Give yourself a pat on the back. I am on week 3 and I am doing pretty well. I’m waking up early. My house is clean and organized and I am starting my days with a little pep in my step. Yay, me!
Tracking my habits and reaching my goals is a priority for me now. I have a mantra I repeat daily. I am doing better, I am working smarter, and I am grateful for all that I have accomplished. Yay me!
But, and yes, there’s a BUT. If you go back and look at all of my new habits that I’m tracking. I typed out My Finances. Understanding my finances. Yep! I have to talk about it. I don’t wanna. UGH, insert gif of little chicken collapsing face first on the floor.
Let’s start at the very beginning, a very good place to start.
Being single off and on for 40 years was ok. Not great because if you are anything like me. You want companionship, a best friend to grow old with and travel the world. Try a new restaurant or experience something new. That comes with a few thing you need to put in place.
- You should have a stable job.
- You should pay your bills on time.
- You need to understand what a want is vs a need.
- You need to spend within your means.
This list can go on and on. As I was looking for my partner, I wanted to make sure that we aligned financially so we never have to worry. I wanted to make sure that we share the same interests and open to trying new things.
Lastly, I wanted to make sure that we could be honest with each other and accept one another for who they are regardless of where they currently are in the moment.
I found it. I had to wait 41 years but I found him and I am glad we found each other. His name is Alan.
Storytime ~
Alan and I have been together for 4- years, married in 2023, and are the parents of two adorable fur- babies.
Milo and Lucy, insert drawings below… (drawings provided by my niece, Bella)
When Alan and I first started dating, we never talked about money or our finances. He knew I was on my own living in an apartment. My car was paid off and I have a good paying job. I knew, Alan owned his home all paid in full, worked three jobs at the time, invested his money, and was doing well. When we went out to eat there was never a discussion about who was paying. If he got one date, I got the other, money never came up. After 6 months of dating, we decided to move in together because this relationship was going in the right direction for the both of us. Yay us!
Moving in together.
We decided right away if we were ever going to live together, Alan was going to move in with me and he would find a better job in San Francisco. So he did, within a month he landed a job in San Francisco and moved in to be closer to me and his new work.
The first money conversation.
Before Alan moved in, I made sure we discussed the bills. I have been paying them myself for so long and he had a home he was still paying bills on that his Father live in. He moved all the way here for me, I didn’t want him paying so much just to be with me, I wanted to make things as seamless a possible.
Hey, Don’t judge!
I know, I can see and hear the eye rolling starting already. So, what? You paid for everything? No.
I agreed to keep paying my full rent because I was in a rent controlled apartment. Finding that in the Bay Area is not easy, but I did. Alan covered the utilities, grocery budget, and most of our extra activities. I paid the rent while attempting to tackle my debt that I never shared with him. Alan didn’t have debt, he paid his bills in full monthly.
Say what now? How do you do that while trying to afford living in the Bay?
How did the 1st year go?
Amazing, we were never late on a bill. We traveled a bit getting to discover new things together. On paper everything looked good. I still had my debt and I would give large payments as I could, but I never discussed this with him.
Ok, How did the 2nd year go?
Not too bad at all if I’m being honest. We stayed on course, never late on a bill and still traveling. We had times where we tried every single Boba and Ramen place in the Bay Area that we could find. We saved for a new car and talked about getting married. Still my debt never really came up in conversation. Alan knew that I was paying on three credit cards but it never disrupted our joint finances or stopped me from being able to contribute.
So, what about the 3rd year?
Year 3 was good to us, we decided to get married and bought a new electric car. We live near Silicon Valley so you know what we bought. LOL. We opened joint credit cards and a joint bank account to manage our money but still didn’t talk much about my debt. However, because I was attached to Alan’s amazing credit history my credit score went up HIGH. I have never been in the 700 club and it was nice.
Now we are beginning year 4.
As we approached the begging of year 4 and I started to focus on my habits and goals. I started to ask more questions about investing, high yield savings accounts and I got introduced to finance advisors. I listened to the Audiobook The Financial Feminist by Tori Dunlap , The 12 Week Year by Brian P. Morgan & Michael Lennington, and lastly one that we both read, I Will Teach You To Be Rich, by Ramit Sethi. We even went to his couples discussion at the Palace of Fine Arts in San Francisco this month. It was great!
As we read this book together, we started to talk about our money and where it goes. The book recommends to create a conscious spending plan and there it was. Alan saw that I was in debt with three credit cards for $11,000. I didn’t feel it was a bad thing, because creditors weren’t bugging me for payments. The bills got paid and our overall finances were never in harm by this debt. It was my responsibility and no one else’s.
But that’s it. It wasn’t just mine anymore. As recommended in the book we started to talk about what a rich life means to us and in Alan’s world. His rich life meant no lingering debt. If we use our credit cards, we pay it off monthly. We do this with our joint cards and have no issues. My rich life was, we would always have money and we won’t worry about being without. In order to get to this rich life I needed to start bringing this debt down and quickly. One of our goals was to combine our efforts to get out of our car debt and pay it off sooner. I agreed but I need to tackle my debt first.
So Alan and I decided to create a goal. By the end of March 2025, I will no longer be in debt for $11,000. Alan noticed that one of my cards was truly effecting my credit score and he offered to close it out for me as it was one of my lower balances. It took a lot of thinking on my end to let him do this for me. He is my husband and what is mine is his and vice versa, but my pride was not budging. After 2 weeks of talking about it I agreed and on 1/11/25 I paid of one of my credit cards bringing the $11,000 down to $8,000.
I was feeling good, I love that my husband could help me with this as we are a unit working together. Then I received my compensation review at work and I got a raise and NOICE bonus. That went right to my next credit card and I am proud to say on 1/28/25 as I am typing this out. I was able to pay off another credit card and put it away. Now my $8,000 debt is now $5,000. I have one more card to go and two months to work on paying it down. Our next big goal will be to pay off our car in full by the end of next year. We can do it as long as we work together.
Sidenote: Don’t worry, I’m paying Alan back for helping me out. I told him I will take us on vacation this summer and he smiled.
What did I learn?
Talking about finances with your partner should never be scary. Couples who aren’t willing to work together about their understanding of money need rethink how they communicate. In my opinion, having a healthy marriage is being open and honest with your partner. Me and Alan are on year 4 and we have more to come. We are going to keep taking about our finances because we want to be prepared for the future. We are doing well and we will be ok.